


i will watch you heal with me

by whyyesitscar



Series: oh, it is love [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:06:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23135881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whyyesitscar/pseuds/whyyesitscar
Summary: It feels right, that everything happened in Nicodranas. It’s still her favorite place in the world—even with her childhood, even though she hasn’t lived here for almost a year. Her mother is in Nicodranas and the beach is soothing and familiar, not to mention the pastries are unbeatable. But the best part is now Jester knows that’s how Beau feels, too.// or, the morning after everything changes
Relationships: Fjord & Jester Lavorre, Jester Lavorre & Marion Lavorre | Ruby of the Sea, Jester Lavorre & Nott, Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett, Veth Brenatto & Jester Lavorre, Veth Brenatto/Yeza Brenatto
Series: oh, it is love [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1663003
Comments: 22
Kudos: 200





	i will watch you heal with me

**Author's Note:**

> **you:** car, eventually you're going to run out of ways to write about how soft and gay beau and jester are for each other  
>  **me:** fuck you no i won't
> 
> many thanks to [@youngbloodbuzz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/youngbloodbuzz/pseuds/youngbloodbuzz) for the pic inspiration and general frenzy of feelings. no promises on if i'll add more to this series, but i wouldn't bet too heavily against it.
> 
> title + lyrics from "morning lullabies" by ingrid michaelson.
> 
> please enjoy!

  
  
  


_yesterday, i woke up with your head on my arm.  
_ _my hand was numb, circulation gone,  
_ _but i dared not move the pretty sleeping one.  
_ _the sun had painted patterns on your face  
_ _as you breathed. sunday air rode onto  
_ _my open arms—i became your pillow;  
_ _you let me smooth your hair._

 _i will sing you morning lullabies  
_ _(you are beautiful, and peaceful this way)._

/

Jester has seen a lot of naked people in her life. Beau puts them all to shame.

It feels right, that everything happened in Nicodranas. It’s still her favorite place in the world—even with her childhood, even though she hasn’t lived here for almost a year. Her mother is in Nicodranas and the beach is soothing and familiar, not to mention the pastries are unbeatable. But the best part is now Jester knows that’s how Beau feels, too.

They’d talked about it after the battle with Obann, when the guilt kept Yasha sequestered in her room, and the big fucking stab wound kept Jester and Beau in theirs. Being separated from Beau during the battle sucked, and Jester tried not to think too much about what would have happened if her duplicate hadn’t been able to heal Beau even as little as she did. Jester knew that Beau could see that on her face then and wanted to tell her that it would have been fine. But she was exhausted and too hurt to talk, and Jester wouldn’t have let her get even two words of that out. It would _not_ have been fine. She still has nightmares about it, sometimes.

Beau didn’t sleep very well that first night, and Jester woke up with her each time. She was out of spells but it at least felt nice to help her with a comforting touch and some nice words. Jester told Beau as many stories as she wanted to hear for as long as she wanted to hear them. About traveling with Fjord before they met, about her hijinks around the Chateau as a kid, about her favorite secret places in Nicodranas. She could see Beau relax with each successive story, her eyes drooping and her shoulders loosening.

“You know, I’d, um, I’d love to see that sometime,” Beau said after Jester told her about her favorite alcove to look at the ocean from at night. “Maybe the next time we go back?”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Beau slowly nodded, sliding her hands between her cheek and the pillows. “I’d never seen it before you guys, but I really like the ocean.”

Jester smiled and mirrored Beau’s position. “It is pretty great.”

“Really great,” Beau echoed. “I haven’t gotten the chance to tell you, but during the fight there was—I could feel Obann trying to turn me or whatever, maybe like he did to Yasha. And the last time I trained with Dairon, they were teaching me about how some monks can fight off mind control with meditation. I hadn’t ever tried it before, but you know, no time like when you might die to give it a shot, right?”

“Beau…” Jester gently admonished.

“Sorry, force of habit,” Beau smiled. “Anyway, it works best if you think of something really powerful, something that you don’t associate with any negative memories or feelings. I don’t have a lot of those places,” she shrugged, “but I do have Nicodranas.”

It felt like Jester had melted on the spot. “You thought of Nicodranas?”

“Yeah,” Beau murmured. “It’s just—it’s the total opposite of where I grew up, you know? Everything is so bright and blue, and the ocean is—man, it’s fuckin’ huge and terrifying but in a really calming way. I’ve never been great at meditation but there’s just something about the beach near your place that clears my mind. It’s like, I dunno, how soft the sand is, or the sound of the waves or something.”

Jester tugged Beau’s hand out from underneath her cheek and linked their pinkies. “I’m sorry you didn’t grow up there,” she had whispered. “I didn’t know you loved it like that.”

“Hard not to,” Beau whispered back. “And hey, who knows—maybe after all this is done I’ll get lucky enough to end up there.”

That was probably it, if Jester really thought about it. There was always a moment in the books she read where the heroine fell in love with the hero, something specific she could point to later as the start of everything. Jester has been traveling for a while now, and she’s learned a lot about herself and the reality of love. She knows moments like that don’t always happen.

But maybe she’s lucky enough to have one of her own.

Maybe it’s a collection of moments, too, she thinks as she looks over at Beau. Jester is up first for once and she’s glad to be, glad to have this moment of quiet before Beau wakes up and they have to talk about everything. She isn’t afraid to talk to Beau—she actually kind of can’t wait, just so she really knows what Beau wants and where they’re going to go from here. But it’s also nice to just _be_ here, to listen to Beau breathing softly next to her. Beau is so loud and noticeable most of the time. But she can be just as quiet as she is noisy, and those are the moments that Jester likes to savor.

On mornings like these, she wishes she knew dunamancy so she could stop time. She would slow it down to a crawl so she could appreciate the whole of Beau. Last night was a lot, a jumbled mix of betrayal and revelations and the heady rush of love. Jester thinks that maybe the night did stretch for them a bit—maybe the Wildmother held the sun at bay until Jester and Beau had gotten their fill.

(She’ll always remember it as a whole but the feelings linger in pieces—

the dip of Beau’s neck, the valley of her collarbones as Jester explored them with her mouth;

how slender Beau felt underneath her, as if Jester’s arms could wrap around her twice, and how much she wanted to do that;

Beau’s muscles, lean and taut under skin just as soft, just as sensitive as Jester’s;

Beau’s bold hands, warm and strong on her chest, on her throat, on her stomach and her sides and in between her legs—and, and, and—

There should be potions to bottle last night, Jester thinks).

The sheet has fallen to Beau’s hip in the middle of the night. She’s snoring a little and one arm is splayed wide, reaching underneath her pillow. She always wiggles in her sleep so she isn’t pressed against Jester anymore, but Beau hasn’t let go of her hand either. Their fingers curl around each other’s in a loose hold, and it feels a little awkward now that Jester’s awake and aware of it but she’s not going to move until she has to. Jester picks up her other hand and slides Beau’s hair away from her neck as gently as she can, uncovering her tattoo. She hasn’t had the chance yet to look at it this closely, and she’ll probably give Orly a huge hug now that she does. The green dust is radiant against Beau’s dark skin, glittering against the hint of sun peeking through the curtains. It hasn’t risen yet, and Jester plans to stay here, just looking, until it does.

She traces the lines of the eye from the crown of Beau’s head down to her back, touching Beau as lightly as she can. She thinks of Molly and what jade means to Beau, of reinvention, of what it might be like to live more than once. The Bright Queen has lived for centuries, but Jester thinks maybe she starts a new life with every new person she meets—the ones who go and certainly the ones who stay. Jester lets her thoughts wander, to a world where she and Beau keep meeting, keep finding new lives and new selves to love.

She supposes it wouldn’t be hard to create those feelings now.

Her stomach rumbles loudly before she can go too far down that path.

Jester laughs and props herself up, leaning to see if the noise has disturbed Beau. But she’s still sleeping, so Jester takes the opportunity to extend the peace of the morning. She detangles her fingers from Beau’s, slips out from under the blanket as smoothly as she can, presses a kiss to the back of Beau’s neck—two, three, stopping herself before she caves and crawls back into bed.

Beau shifts under the tickle of her lips and Jester smiles. She stretches her arms and legs, swallowing back a few satisfied groans as her limbs crack and pop. She grabs whichever clothes are closest—a pair of underwear, the first shirt she can find—and tiptoes out of the room.

Jester takes a few moments to let her eyes adjust to the light of the hallway, bright even though the torches aren’t as strong as they could be. She looks from side to side, calculating how much time she probably has before any of the staff start their mornings. Judging by the quickly brightening sky, not long.

She lifts up onto her toes and turns the corner, making her way down the hall with a light skip.

Three doors down, Veth leaves her room looking just as cautious. Jester doesn’t have any time to hide or cast a spell before she’s noticed.

“Jester!” Veth exclaims. She winces and looks around. “I mean, good morning,” she says in a loud whisper.

Jester giggles and walks forward until they’re side by side. “Good morning! I was just on my way to the kitchen to get some breakfast; do you want to join me?”

Veth shifts her weight between her feet. “You know, thanks but no thanks. I was just popping out to, um, use the bathroom…”

There’s a thud from her room and nervous mumbling. Veth looks between Jester and the door, eventually pressing her ear to the wood, only as high as the doorknob.

“Yeza? Are you okay?”

“Oh, yeah!” he calls back. “Don’t, um, don’t worry about me; I think I’ve just got a little longer before the feeling comes back to my legs.”

Jester’s grin is wide and sly when Veth turns back around.

Veth smiles sheepishly before she laughs, every tooth showing in her open mouth. “I mean, can you blame me?”

“Oh, definitely not,” Jester smirks. “Let me know if you want me to bring you back a few pastries or something.”

“You’re not eating downstairs?”

“Oh.” Jester blushes as her tail twitches. “No, you know, I thought I would have breakfast with Mama in her room—”

“Doesn’t she have servants who can bring her stuff?”

“They’re not _servants_ , Veth,” Jester huffs.

Veth leans back, appraising Jester, and narrows her eyes. “I’ve never seen you wear that shirt before, is it an old one from your closet?”

Jester looks down and realizes the sleeves are a little too long, that maybe this is a shirt she pulled off of somebody else. “Yeeeesss, it is definitely an old shirt...” she waffles **.**

“Then why is it so big on—oh my _god!_ ”

“No, shut up!” Jester hisses.

“That’s Beau’s shirt, oh my god—”

“You’re going to wake everyone up, be quiet!”

“Woooww, you and Beau—I didn’t think she’d ever do anything about it—”

Jester crinkles her eyebrows. “About what?”

“Uh, her big fucking crush on you? Which I assume you’ve both addressed—or undressed, as it were…”

“Beau had a crush on me this whole time?!”

“Wait, why are you surprised about that? You look like you just spent the night doing very dirty things.”

Jester can’t help smiling. “I mean, it was really romantic, you know?” she blushes. “I didn’t think it was a whole thing; it kind of felt like it just happened in the moment.”

Veth sneers. “Beau, romantic? I don’t believe it. Although,” she considers, cocking her head, “she was very sweet when she told me. I _suppose_ I believe you.”

Jester puts her hands on her hips, careful not to let her shirt (Beau’s shirt) ride up any more than it already is. “What did she tell you?” she demands. “When did she tell you; how long have you known? How long has _she_ known?”

“Uhhhhh…” Veth’s voice is shrill and loud, panic obvious though her eyes are significantly smaller. “What’s that you said, Yeza? You’re tangled in the sheets? Don’t worry, I’ll be right there; okay, bye Jester!”

She darts back into her room and closes the door with a heavy thud before Jester can even try to stop her. It’s fine—that just means Jester will have to corner her later.

Jester looks around in the hallway again; she still doesn’t hear anyone else moving. Taking a deep breath she starts walking again, flat on her feet this time but still at a brisk pace. The upper floors are more of a maze than downstairs, but Jester’s walked them so many times that she doesn’t even have to think about which turns to take, which creaky areas of the floor to avoid.

Even so, she stands on her tiptoes as she passes her mother’s room. She’s so close, just outside the door and almost safely away, and then—

The wood must have developed new creaks in the months since she’s been gone. It pops loudly under her right foot and Jester winces, holds her breath. Maybe Mama’s still asleep or not in her front room, or out on the balcony…

“Nadine?” Marion calls softly. “Is that you?”

Jester sighs and unfreezes. She’d never make it to the stairs before Marion opened the door, so she turns around and opens it first.

Marion is within eyesight, elegantly rubbing lotion on her hands. “Oh, Jester! I was wondering why Nadine was up here so early.”

Jester holds her hands in front of her and tries to hide as much of her legs as she can, which of course is actually not an inch of them. “Morning, Mama,” she mumbles.

Marion pauses and takes a moment to look Jester over, a smirk spreading across her face as she takes in Jester’s ruffled hair and hasty outfit. “A good one so far, I see.”

Jester can only hope that she’ll stop blushing sometime soon. “It is pretty good,” she admits. “I was just going down to the kitchen to get some food, so…”

“I hope for something more than pastries. What does Beau eat for breakfast?”

“Mamaaaa…”

Marion laughs, bright like a song, and slips thin, gold bracelets over her wrists. Jester used to love playing with them, giggling as they would clink against each other. “I won’t keep you, Jester,” she smiles. “I’m very glad you’re happy; from what I could see last night, Beau is an excellent dancer.”

“You saw us?” Jester thinks back, pushes past the thrill of dancing with Beau and focuses on the other details—the small window near them and how she had a direct line of sight to Marion through it; how the singing only started after she and Beau came back…

She steps forward and hugs Marion, tucking into her robe and breathing in the smell of her perfume. “You sounded lovely, Mama,” she whispers. “Thank you for everything.”

Marion presses a kiss to the top of her head and smooths her hair. “I have a good sense for these things. I’m so pleased you both proved me right.”

Jester nods, listens to the rustle of silk as she blinks back a few tears. She pulls away and smiles, straightening her shirt. She and Marion share a laugh as they notice simultaneously that Jester has missed a few buttons.

“You look happy, my sapphire,” Marion says, holding both of Jester’s hands in hers. “I hope she will help you stay that way.”

“We both will, Mama,” Jester promises.

“Good.” She presses one more kiss to Jester’s forehead and lets her go. “I would love to hear more later. I’ll find you when I’m free.”

“Okay.”

Jester turns away with a wave, almost jogging to the staircase. Not that she doesn’t love her mama and her friends, but oh my _god_ she’s so hungry. She can smell the rich aroma of cinnamon and butter as she nears the kitchen, and her stomach starts rumbling again.

Bacon crackles in a pan as she swings the door open; Jester sneaks over and starts to pile some onto a plate. She stands as far back from the stove as she can, leaning away from the grease that splatters and pops.

“Jester?”

“No!” Jester spins around to see Fjord filling a kettle with water. She rolls her eyes and groans. “Oh my god, why is everyone everywhere all the time?”

“Uhh...I’ve just been in here for a few minutes.”

Jester softens and pats the bacon dry with a napkin. “Sorry, Fjord. I just didn’t think so many people would be awake right now.”

“Oh. Who else is awake?”

“Duh. Everyone.”

“Oh, of course.” Fjord smiles and Jester feels at ease immediately. “You did say that.”

“Do you know if there are any pastries ready?” Jester watches as Fjord puts the kettle on the stove. “What are you doing? You know they’ll just make tea for you here, right?”

Fjord’s cheeks flush a darker green for a moment. “I thought I’d make some for Caduceus before his morning meditation. I know he doesn’t...always like what he can get here. No offense.”

Jester shrugs. “I’m not offended; it’s not my tea.” She looks around the kitchen again and huffs. “I thought there’d be some muffins by now or something.”

“I didn’t realize this was a breakfast kind of place.”

“People stay here, Fjord. It _is_ a hotel.”

“Right, my mistake.” He leans against the counter as the water heats up. “Not your usual nightshirt.”

“It’s Beau’s,” Jester snaps. “Okay?”

“Absolutely fine. Good for you.” He crosses his arms and winks. “Good for her.”

Jester smiles, pausing as she picks up the plate of bacon. She’ll have to find some sweets later. “Thanks, Fjord.” Noise rises outside of the kitchen as the hotel starts to wake up in earnest. “Listen, don’t tell anyone when they come down, and, I don’t know, punch Veth or something if she starts to blab.”

“Punch her?”

“Okayyy, bye Fjord!”

Jester darts out of the door and almost immediately runs into Bluud, jostling the plate of food in his hands. He looks down at her, crinkles his eyes in a smile, and silently passes her three croissants.

Jester smiles back and gives up on running, casting Dimension Door as quickly as she can.

She manages not to drop her food as she appears back in her room. Beau moves immediately, rolling over with a loud, slow yawn.

“Hey, you’re back.”

Jester sets the plate of food down on her nightstand. “I didn’t mean to leave you for so long.”

“No worries, Jes,” Beau grins. “I was mostly dozing anyway.”

“Okay.”

Beau scoots up, lifts the blanket and pats the empty space next to her. Jester smiles at the peek of Beau’s bare hip. “You comin’?”

“Yeah, hold on.” Jester shakes a few kinks out of her hair, makes quick work of the buttons on Beau’s shirt, and carries breakfast over to the bed. “A feast for us,” she says, tilting the plate before setting it at their feet.

“Oh yeah? How many of those croissants are you going to let me have?”

“Oh, half of one, at least.”

Beau chuckles and pinches Jester’s side, leaning in for a long, slow morning kiss. Her mouth tastes terrible but she’s warm and here, and Jester can feel her smiling.

“Were you wearing my shirt?” Beau whispers as they pull away.

“Yeah, it was the first one I picked up. Veth gave me a bunch of shit for it so probably everyone knows by now.”

“Cool, cool, cool.”

Jester leans back, adjusts the drape of Beau’s hair. “Is it?”

“Hell yeah. Absolutely.” Beau punctuates her promise with a loud smack of a kiss. “I just—it’s dumb, nevermind. But I’m definitely very cool with that.”

“What’s dumb?” Jester pokes Beau’s stomach, finding the sensitive, squishy spots she now knows are there. “Beauuuu, what’s dumb? But also, it’s not.”

Beau laughs and swiftly catches both of Jester’s wrists. “Okay, okay. It’s like—I’ve been with my fair share of women, right; even woken up next to a few of them after a particularly good time. But I never—” She blushes and kisses the knuckles on each of Jester’s hands. “It’s nice,” she murmurs, “to see someone wearing my shirt.”

It’s easy, Jester thinks, to be with someone like Beau. Someone who doesn’t ask for a lot (even though she should); who listens so earnestly, with a keen mind for her craft and a sincere heart for her friends; someone whose only requirement is that a person prove themselves worthy of her trust.

It shouldn’t have been a surprise, then, that Jester fell in love with her. Except none of Beau’s best qualities were part of Jester’s idea of love. They don’t write books about the way Beau loves Jester, about the way she loves those she holds dear.

They should.

Beau loves in a way that soothes, that settles nerves and trembling fingers. She asks questions and only accuses when she means to, but never to those who have earned her honesty. Beau judges only as an arbiter of truth, never as an authority of character. Jester wonders how such a candid person can hide the most genuine parts of them behind so many closed doors.

She can’t wait to open them all.

Jester smiles and squeezes Beau’s hand, letting her head relax against the headboard. “That’s very sweet, Beau.”

“Ah, well. You seem to bring it out of me.”

“How lucky for me.”

Beau kisses her cheek and reaches down for the food, resting it so that it’s a little in each of their laps. She scoots down enough to lean her head on Jester’s shoulder, and folds a piece of bacon so the entire thing fits in her mouth at once. Jester laughs and prods at her puffed-up cheek, though not hard enough to make her spit anything out.

Beau breaks one of the croissants into bite-sized pieces and periodically feeds them to Jester with one hand.

The other, of course, is trapped tightly between them, lean fingers threaded tenderly with Jester’s.

/

The sun heats the room until it’s oppressive and Jester feels even stickier than she already was. Beau fidgets, jostling the empty plate between them. Her feet peek out from underneath the blanket, a mass of wiggling toes as she tries to get some air. Jester laughs and joins in, sliding down to hook her ankle around Beau’s. It probably means something that Jester thinks even their feet look pretty together. Beau’s skin against hers reminds Jester of wet sand and the ocean, of the point far in the distance where the ground becomes indistinguishable from the sky.

No wonder Beau loves Nicodranas so much.

She recoils when Jester’s nail pokes into the top of her foot and finally gets up, spreading her arms wide as she stretches again. Jester stays in bed for a little longer, appreciating the line of Beau’s back—the crease between her shoulders that fades to barely a dent lower down. Jester finds certainty in Beau’s whole body, in the angles that shape it and the way her muscles move under her skin. Beau’s arms look like they were designed to be that way, like every part of her is on purpose.

If only Fjord really knew what he was striving for in their workouts.

“I can feel you staring,” Beau says. Jester can feel her smirking in much the same way.

“I hope that’s not a complaint,” Jester replies, “because you’re going to have to get used to it.”

Beau turns around, glowing in the mid-morning sun. “Definitely not.” She grins and leans back over the bed, crawling toward Jester to capture her lips in a needy kiss. There are valleys and rifts in Beau’s shoulders that Jester wants to fill, and Beau’s hand settles dangerously—very deliberately—near the delta of Jester’s thighs.

If they don’t leave this room in the next five minutes, Jester will keep Beau here forever.

“Okay, okay, okay,” she pants breathlessly as she pulls back, even though absolutely no part of her wants to. “They’re going to come looking for us if we don’t go downstairs.”

“Laaaame,” Beau groans. “But you’re probably right.” She picks up her clothes from the night before and lays them on the bed as neatly as she can. Her regular outfit is in a corner somewhere, and she wraps her arms as slowly as Jester has ever seen her do it.

Jester understands—if she could take an hour to put on her dress, she would.

“Mama also knows,” Jester offers as they get dressed.

“Yeah, I figured.” Beau fluffs her hair, tightens her top knot until it’s passably neat. “She definitely only sang those two songs for us.”

“How did you know??”

“I’m pretty smart,” Beau says, mouth wide in a cocky grin. Jester throws a pillow at her. “Okay, okay. Maybe your mom also winked at me.”

“Oh, that makes more sense.”

Beau throws the pillow back.

She ties her sash with a sigh, like she’s sad to be finally dressed. Jester adjusts her dress at the waist and sighs louder.

Beau walks over, shakes her head and reaches for Jester’s hand, resting her other one on the doorknob.

“You promise you’re good? We can make them come get us if you don’t want to go.”

Jester smiles, melting under the sun and the tenderness in Beau’s eyes. “I’m totally good, Beau,” she confirms. “I can’t wait, actually; everyone else is going to be _so_ jealous.”

Beau laughs. “I dunno about that, Jes.”

“Well, they should be.”

“Hell yeah. Oh, hey. I forgot.”

“What?”

Beau kisses her again, warmth and security lingering in her soft lips. “Love you,” she breathes.

Jester wonders if this is what it feels like to be her own duplicate, shimmering and delicate as she watches the world from outside her body. How fortunate, then, that she can still feel the weight of Beau’s cheek under her palm.

“I love you, too.”

/

Everyone is waiting for them in the dining room when they make it downstairs. Fjord shushes the group and they pretend like they hadn’t been listening, like they aren’t aware of the huge shift in the dynamic of their family that’s about to become normal. Yeza, Fjord, and Caduceus all nod in greeting. Caleb tells them very bluntly what time it is.

Beau flicks him off.

“There’s tea on the table, plus some cream and sugar,” Caduceus hums with a smile.

“Thanks, man.”

Jester feels every eye on their backs as they walk to get some.

Beau notices it first, because of course she does.

“Okay!” she yells. “Real fuckin’ funny, guys—can we be done with this now?”

Jester snorts as she pours two cups of tea, strategically picking sugar cubes so she doesn’t ruin the words.

 _Congrats on sex_ , they say, arranged in messy block letters.

“What, you couldn’t find a few more cubes for three extra letters?” Beau continues. “That’s not even a whole sentence.”

“Do you know how much sugar we had to steal just to make that?” Fjord counters.

“Yeah, I do. It’s literally all there right on the fucking table. Gimme thirty seconds and I’ll count it.” She doesn’t even look down as she takes the mug of tea that Jester wordlessly hands her. “Thanks, Jes.”

“You’re welcome!” Jester kisses Beau quickly on the mouth, just because she can, and skips over to sit next to Veth.

Beau isn’t very far behind.


End file.
